Happy National Coming Out Day!!!!!
To all of my LBGTQIA+ Family and all of our existences I see you! You are valued and appreciated no matter how you show up in the world, no matter if you are out or closeted you still matter and is still a day for you !
Now… To the reason for this titled post. My very own coming out story. I’ve known that I was not quite like other girls for a long time. I always looked at girls kind of dreamy way.
I was always intrigued by their curves, if it was okay for us to kiss, if they liked to hold hands…. As a matter of fact, writing this I’m flashing back to one of my very first crushes ( hey boo) and how she was just soooo intriguing to me. Any way ya girl been queer ( my preferred identity) for a long long while… I just never had the language for it. I knew I was more than bi- sexual though. I knew that gender binaries didn’t bother me I just knew that when I came across people I like I was sprung like T-Pain said.
I was like most people, ashamed, wondering what my super Christian, super baptist family was gon have to say about this. I mean I’m not the first queer person in my family, but I have witnessed the way that family members have unfortunately talked about them. I didn’t want that cause frfr I be ready to go full ape sh*t sometimes. And also I didn’t want to have to throw some of my favorite people out of my life.
Annnnyyyyywayyyyy……. Back to the story
Me being an organizer really helped me find my language and my people. Being exposed to Audre Lorde, Alice Walker, James Baldwin, Bayard Rustin, and the other queer folks in our history empowered me. Also learning that there were organizations (s/o to my BLM Philly Fam) that were going to hold space for me at all my intersections also mattered. So after weeks of going back and forth with myself I came out to my then fiance who’s reaction was basically……
He was super supportive and had question, so we talked it over and all was well. S/o To him for not sexualizing my identity and really being like “I’ma love you anyway” That meant a lot. After that initial conversation a lot of time passed. I still wasn’t out publicly, He and I broke up and I wanted to really dive into who I was at the time. So I started dating women, femmes, non binary folk. I really liked it. It was refreshing and liberation to be my full self. I found out things about me that I’m not sure I would have figured out had I not taken that leap. So I’m having fun , I’m living free, there are rainbows everywhere. But I still had not told my parents, particularly my mama and grandma. If yall listened to A Mother’s Love, you know our relationship hasn’t always been the best so telling her wasn’t going to be easy but I knew I had to do it.
So the week I got asked to do the interview. The only thing on my mind was how was I gonna tell my mama. I remember calling the interviewer and her asking all these questions about being a black millennial and what the internet has done for our community and then…. I said….. “As a black queer woman….” I was so proud when I said it . I did not feel that same way when I hung up the phone. I got in my group chat and with a fury in my fingers sent back to back freaked out texts. They Congratulated me for my bravery and assured that they had my back (thank God for Squad). The next day I woke up to get ready for work,the article was posted. I went and began to read I saw it . My words, I had outed myself. My phone immediately blew up with text of : “You are what now?” “So you gay?”. My daddy called me and said ” I thought queer meant weird? I mean you have always been weird.. but what do you mean ” After multiple texts and answering my phone, I was feeling relived but I still was worried about how my mom and grandma were gonna respond. We never talked about it out loud. The air was tense for a very long time. And then I made the decision that I was not going to wait on their approval to live fully, So I met this woman and we started dating exclusively. I did not hide her, my mother did not acknowledge here which was hurtful to me and her. but i still continued on.
It took my mother a full year to accept me. Even though me and the woman didn’t make it. I never stopped living my queer ass life. I don’t intend on stopping.
So to all my LBGTQIA+ Family that may be wanting to give up in this moment. Live a little longer, see whats in store, find a tribe, take care of yourself. Put yourself first, it okay to do that. And lastly live freely.
I LOVE US